The Unique Journey of Military Children: Navigating Life in a World of Camouflage

My Personal Journey as a Dual Military Parent

April is recognized as the Month of the Military Child, dedicated to honoring the sacrifices endured by military families. Before my own Commission, I was largely unaware of the challenges military families faced. In fact, growing up, my family held the belief that joining the military was ill-advised. However, when I met my husband, a Soldier, over 25 years ago, my perspective began to shift. I became intrigued and very curious about the Army. At age 30, I decided to join the Army after five years of marriage, three children, and witnessing my husband's global deployments. I wanted to know more and was eager to start a new adventure.

Our journey as a dual military family offered profound insights into the resilience of military children. I recall our eldest daughter changing schools three times within a year, tearfully leaving behind friendships she had built. Our middle son experienced the heartache of relocating during his senior year, graduating alongside strangers. Our youngest son faced bullying upon transitioning from a private Christian school to a public one, leading him to give up football, a sport that he loved. Additionally, the strains of deployment took their toll. My husband often felt disconnected upon returning home, while I grappled with the pressure of juggling multiple roles, including being a Soldier, spouse, and parent. Eventually, the weight became heavy, and I found myself overwhelmed by the burden of trying to be everything to everyone.

Our experiences are just a glimpse of the remarkable resilience of military children and the challenges they endure. Through it all, our children demonstrated strength and adaptability beyond their years.

My Reflection: The Courage Military Children Show

Reflecting on my family’s military journey, I never realized the courage our children had to muster for my husband and me to serve our country. With my husband's multiple deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan and frequent temporary duty travel, he was often away from home. During a particularly challenging period, I promptly sought individual and family therapy to help our family navigate through the turmoil. Therapy has always been embraced in our household.

Today, our children have grown into adulthood. Our daughter is a Soldier in the Army, married to another Soldier in the Army (imagine that). Our young men are very independent and enjoy living on their own. By being raised in a military community, they learned invaluable life lessons and gained diverse perspectives from their experiences around the world. We always encouraged them to strive for their personal best, rather than comparing themselves to others. Though we did not always have all the answers, we used the tools that we had to do our best.

Diverse Paths, Common Ground: Communication is Key

Every military family looks different. While the specifics of my family's journey may differ from others, one constant remains: the clarity of communication. As we navigate the many different experiences of military life—such as frequent relocations, parental absences due to training or deployments, and the continuous change of relationships, we are confronted with a multitude of emotions.

These emotions, whether stemming from excitement, apprehension, self-identity, or loneliness, form an integral part of our experiences. We must cultivate an environment where these feelings can be openly expressed and shared, both among family members and with trusted individuals who offer a supportive refuge. Clear, effective communication about the emotions being felt fosters connection and understanding within the family unit and equips us to confront the uncertainties of military life with flexibility and adaptability. By acknowledging and addressing things often and honestly, we empower ourselves and our children to be seen and heard.

Supporting Military Children: Four Ways Parents Can Help

While military life can be challenging for children, there are several ways that parents in the military can support their children and help them thrive:

1. Open and Honest Communication: Communication is key to helping children navigate the challenges of military life. Parents should create a safe space where their children feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns. By maintaining open lines of communication, parents can address any fears or anxieties their children may have and provide reassurance and support.

2. Establishing Routines and Stability: Military life can be unpredictable, with frequent moves and deployments disrupting normal routines. However, parents can help provide stability for their children by establishing consistent routines, such as regular mealtimes, bedtime rituals, and family traditions. These routines can provide a sense of security and continuity amidst the upheaval of military life.
3. Building Strong Support Networks: Military children benefit from having strong support networks both within and outside the military community. Parents can help their children forge friendships with other military children who understand the unique challenges they face. Additionally, parents should seek out resources and support services available to military families, such as counseling services, educational assistance programs, and recreational activities for children.
4. Be Their Example: Encouraging children to develop coping skills, problem-solving abilities, and a positive mindset that can help them navigate the ups and downs of military life. Parents should lead by example, serve as their mentor, and show them how you deal with or cope with the life of a Soldier or military spouse. Every situation will be different, some good, some bad. Children deserve to see what strength looks like, but also allow them to see your failures. It is those moments that you fail and rebound that stand out the most.

Growing up in a military family is a unique and often challenging experience, but it is also one filled with opportunities for growth, resilience, and adventure. By providing love, support, and guidance, parents in the military can help their children navigate the complexities of military life and emerge stronger. With open communication, stable routines, strong support networks, and leading the way, military parents can help their children thrive in a world of camouflage.

Growing Stronger Together in Military Life

I love coaching military parents through their military journey. Over the past 25 years, I have been able to see the military community from multiple lenses. I know the challenges and joys of being a parent raising children in the military community. If you are a parent raising children in a military community and the life you are living does not match the dream that you had for yourself, I want to encourage you not to let go of your dream. It is still possible!

If you found this blog post resonated with your experiences or provided valuable insights into the unique journey of military children, I encourage you to share it with others who may benefit from reading it. Together, let's spread awareness and support for military families by sharing this post on social media or forwarding it to friends and family. Your support can make a difference in the lives of military children everywhere. Thank you for joining me in honoring their resilience and strength.

👉Join me for my monthly workshop, "When Loyalty Becomes Self-Abandonment." Military parents are great at abandoning their identity to the uniform. Though it may seem impossible, you can remain yourself while serving. I have also created the Parent Identity Reset Workbook for parents hoping to reset an area in their lives. I want to see you ignite the fire under the dream that you have either hidden or forgotten about from the exhaustion of raising children while in a military community.